7 Ways To Resist Temptation To Get Back With Your Affair Partner

You can overcome the temptation to reconnect with your affair partner

" I miss my affair partner so much and I just want to talk to him again."

Have you ever had this thought? I know I have many times after my affair ended. In those moments of my greatest temptation, I found six ways to overcome the temptation to reconnect with your affair partner.

First, I wanted to talk about what temptation is. The definition of temptation is to entice to do wrong with the promise of pleasure or gain. The attraction promises that if you give in, there will be a reward. That you will receive pleasure and where infidelity is concerned, you will gain fulfillment by having your unfulfilled needs met.

When I was first studying the word temptation, I discovered the word decoy as a synonym for temptation. And I found this very interesting because when presented with an opportunity to have an affair the affair partner looks like he could be the real deal

In reality, your affair partner is a decoy. He is posing as the real thing. The man of your dreams, a chance at a happy life, and finally being with your soul mate. The affair relationship and the affair partner is not what you need to have a fulfilling life. 

I know I felt like I was promised the moon with my affair partner, and for a while, I was happy, and I believed he could provide me with a lifetime of happiness. But that is just how the decoy of infidelity works. It tries to lure you away from your marriage by offering you false hope and making you believe your husband is not the one for you. You see, the deception of an affair is not if the affair partner loves you its in the promise to love and stay with you forever.

The two parts of temptation

I believe temptation has two parts to it the external and the internal. The external aspect of temptation is when the lure comes from an outside source. For example, it could be your affair partner reaching out to you. The internal part is when the desire to contact him comes from within our thoughts and fantasies.

In my opinion, we face the external temptation before the affair and the internal temptation after the affair ends.

But in this post, I want to focus on the internal and how our desires actually can cause us to be lured into the trap of infidelity.

The reason why we face temptation from the internal aspect is because the bible says each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their evil desires and enticed. James 1:14 And understanding this is important because it will help us to recognize what is going on inside of our hearts and we will be able to resist the temptation to reconnect with our affair partner.

We all have desires within us that want us to go against our moral value system. That happened after the fall of man. Temptations work on us by stirring up passions we already have, and we have to learn how to manage them. God gave us these desires so we could go out and find our partner but they should not control us. Jesus also gave us the authority to manage our emotions, desires, and thoughts. 

The lure of happiness

We get lured away when life doesn't go as plan, and we find ourselves in an unhappy place searching for some form of happiness. Or, in my case, someone who can rescue me from my emotional turmoil. All the while, we don't realize that the affair will bring us more heartache and confusion in the end than what we had in our marriage.

I had been asking God to help me not to give in to this temptation I was facing. And for a while, I would quote the verse "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me". I would say it every time I felt the urge to call him. All the while believing God would somehow control my hands and cause them not to call him.

But I became frustrated in my efforts. So I learned real quick that just quoting a bible verse was not changing my desire, and not providing me with the strength I needed to overcome this temptation.

So when I came across the verse that said we are lead away by our desires, I believe God was trying to teach me how to manage my cravings and overcome the temptation to reconnect with my affair partner.

Applied knowledge is power

The verse in James was the knowledge God was giving about how to overcome the temptation. Which in my opinion knowledge is helpful, but applied knowledge is powerful. So I believe God provides us with the knowledge and tools to help us as we stand against being drug back into a prison of pain. But the" strength" the verse (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me) is referring to, comes when we apply what we have learned. 

I wanted to share this with you because temptation is hard to overcome. Infidelity is like a chain that wraps around you squeezing tighter and tighter each time we give in. And I believe Jesus is the one who showed me how to break free. And because of this, I wanted to offer you the same strategy so you can break free as well.

7 ways to overcome temptation

I'm about to share with you six ways to overcome temptation that will work if your affair partner ghosted you, or if you ended the affair. But the key is you will have to apply the tools in the heat of the moment when the temptation is the strongest

1.What are your triggers?

You are most vulnerable to temptation when you are having negative thoughts and feelings towards your husband. Solution: Pay attention to what is going on in your marriage when you feel tempted to contact your affair partner. And then, turn your focus back onto your marriage by having a conversation with your husband about what is upsetting you and replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones.

2. Guard your thought life.

Don't allow your thoughts to drag you down memory lane, or become immersed in the beauty and comfort of a fantasy. Fantasies are the fuel to the affair. And our thoughts fuel our feelings which control our actions. So change your thoughts and you will change your feelings.

3. Ask yourself in the heat of the moment, what do I need right now?

What is missing from my life that my affair partner filled? Answers will be different for everyone, and so will the solution. I can tell you for me when I would get lonely, or my husband would be busy with work. I would find myself craving the long talks my affair partner and I would have. So the way I handle this was by telling my husband I was very lonely, and we needed to take a break from work and spend some time together. Applying this information will take some soul searching and some effort, but it's worth it if you want to stay free from the lure of infidelity.

4. It is essential to set goals for yourself and your marriage.

Goals help give us something new to focus on, and when we take them seriously than anything that comes to threaten us reaching that goal, we will have the strength to resist and fight for those goals.

5. Try to avoid alcohol

Because it will only impair your ability to make clear choices. Also, using alcohol as comfort is only trading one addiction for another.

6. Ask yourself, How much will it cost me to talk to him again?

Will, it cost me my marriage and my family? Your marriage was given a second chance that many couples don't get. So ask yourself do I want to play Russian rullet? And what if he rejects me? Will I be ok with suffering through that pain again?

7. You have a choice.

You do not have to give in to every feeling or urge that you have. Understanding that with Christ you have the power to overcome. We are not powerless. I know that it seems like it sometimes but the more we put these tools in action the stronger we will feel. We will begin to gain the confidence we need to face the temptation and not give in.

In conclusion,

I understand how you feel. I have been there with the tears streaming down my face phone in hand, desperately wanting to hear his voice again. And I have also been on the other end where I did give in to the temptation to call him after a night of drinking wine. And guess what the conversation did not go as I hoped. He didn't beg me to come back to him or pour out his undying love for me. This call devasted me and set me back weeks. I had lost all of the emotional progress I had made. I wrote a more detailed post on how to prevent a relapse You can read all about affair relapse here

And I don't want you to have to suffer as I did. Temptation is apart of life but you can overcome it. And what it comes down to is YOU HAVE A CHOICE. You are not powerless when facing the urge to go back to your affair partner. You can do this!!

If you are struggling with tempta