13 Ways To Fall Back In Love With Your Husband After An Affair

Is it really possible to fall back in love with my husband?

How to fall back in love with your husband is very possible. It may not be easy and it may require some work. But from my experience, it is well worth the effort.

Now you may be thinking to yourself " I still love my affair partner, so how will I be able to love my husband completely?" Trust me I understand how you are feeling. During my affair, I was very much in love with my affair partner. So much so I was on the verge of seeing a divorce attorney. And at one point during my recovery I wasn't sure if I could ever really be in love with my husband again.

How is it that we can fall in love with someone new but we question if we can fall in love with our husband again? I believe its simple, we don't know who the person is we are falling in love with. We haven't had the chance to develop a negative narrative about them yet. They become high upon a pedestal and we believe the very best about them. We give them the benefit of the doubt and hope that what we are seeing is genuine.

So my question to you is, why can't we start over with our spouse and apply these same principles to our husband?

But my husband and I did some studying of what God says love really is and we began to apply what we learned and it worked. We are 8 years past the date my affair ended and I can honestly say I fell so in love with my husband now more then I did before we were married. And I would love if you would give me a moment of your time while I share with you what I learned.

Before I get to the list I must say that I know not every marriage will benefit from my experiences. You may be in a different place but I pray that you will still take away some wisdom about love that you can use in the future. Having an affair is full of wisdom that will benefit your marriage. You just have to be willing to learn and apply what you learn.

Applied knowledge is power

13 steps to falling back in love with your husband

1. End all contact with your affair partner- You will not be able to get the full effect of falling in love with your husband if you are still in contact with the person who is stealing your heart away. So that must be the first step to take.

We Must Set The Stage For Success

2. Death to the image- I had to stop idolizing my affair partner. I took off those rose-colored glasses(which made him seem perfect). And I started to him for who he really was, a broken man trying to love two women. So I tore down the image and became realistic about him and our relationship.

3. It takes more than feelings to make a marriage work- I had to stop chasing a feeling. You know the butterflies and sweaty palms. Real lasting love is about so much more than a feeling. It's about a commitment to be there through good and bad times. It's about having the right expectations and not throwing in the towel when things get hard or don't go our way. You can read more about this in my last post on why I fell out of love with my husband.

4. I changed the way I saw my husband- I gave my husband a chance to change his behavior. He realized how neglectful he had become prior to the affair and it broke him. So instead of seeing him as the person, he used to be I began to see him for the person he was becoming. I stopped thinking he was going to ignore me or that he didn't want to think I was pretty. I allowed the sweet things he said to comfort my heart. And over time I fell back in love with my husband.

Side note- If your husband is not in this place yet, don't give up. It takes some men longer to realize the wrongs they did in the marriage before the affair. The best thing for you at this point is to work on yourself. Changing your behavior and pouring your love on him. Keep in mind he is in a lot of pain and he may not respond the way you want him to. Give it time and be patient. I suggest watching the movie Fireproof and read the  Love dare. Its an awesome book and if followed it works wonders. My husband did the Love Dare on me and it helped me fall back in love with my husband.

5. Change your fantasy world- I say this all the time but it's true, what you think about the most grows. So change your naughty thoughts from your affair partner to your husband. The more you think about being intimate with your husband the more you will want to.

6. Do something new- Discover something new the two of you can do together. And by doing that it will get Dopamine flowing. Because now instead of your brain associating fun with your affair partner it will now associate fun with your husband. Also the more fun you have together the easier it is to see yourself being physically intimate with your husband.

7. Plan date night- and send sexy texts back and forth throughout the day. this was fun and a great replacement for what my affair partner and I did. It also caused me to look forward to seeing my husband and anticipating where the night was going was a thrill we both enjoyed.

8. Flip the script-You know how we compare our husband's weakness to the affair partner's strengths? Well, I switched this script and it worked. I started to list all of the things I loved about my husband that I knew my affair partner did not do. And what I would be having to trade-off for being with my affair partner. this helped me remember why I had fallen in love with my husband in the first place.

9. Pillow talk- This is my favorite because this is when I feel the closest to my husband. Pillow talk is when we share our deepest hearts desires, dreams, and hopes with each other. Spend time getting to know each other. This one is particularly important because it will create emotional intimacy, which will help you fall back in love with your husband. And seeing that most affairs are emotional I would say we have a need for some pillow talk.

10. Let go of Unforgiveness- You won't be able to receive love if you are holding onto anger and Unforgiveness from before the affair. Starting over means you really start over. You are not restoring marriage to what it once was you are rebuilding a new one. And you don't want to build on bitterness and resentment.

11. Acceptance- Accept that there will be hard times. And love is not always rainbows and butterflies. We will have long difficult times, but just as seasons pass so shall this pass. Don't expect him to be able to give you what you need 24/7. Learn to be content even when you feel lonely. Learn to self soothe.

12. Pick your battles- Arguments can be hard on a marriage, especially if they are not settled. So don't make every wrongdoing a catastrophe. For instance, if he leaves his shoes in the living room for a week straight, don't blow up at him like he had an affair(no pun intended). Instead, ask yourself do I really want to get upset over this? Or would I rather just snuggle on the sofa and watch a movie? I mean its just shoes. Shoes should not cause us to sleep on opposite sides of the bed. Pick your battles. Fight for stuff that really matters.

In closing

Realize when you are having an affair your brain will begin to see your husband as a threat to your happiness. So it will try to convince you that you never really loved your husband in the first place. And this is where many people walk away. But this is just a lie and trust me I have learned the lies of infidelity, having traveled this road twice.

Falling in love again after infidelity takes time but if you work on healing your marriage and your heart then you will begin to have those loving feelings resurface again. Our actions will bring our feelings. And our feelings are what makes us fall back in love with our husband.

Over time as I followed my recovery plan and my feelings for my husband grew. Eventually, my brain began to see my affair partner as a threat to my happiness. So now my affair partner has no place in my heart and I am now at peace again.

As I did my part God did his. Which in this verse he says For God is working in you giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him. Philippians 2:13

At times I felt powerless to cause my heart to feel in love with my husband but this verse gave me comfort. Because I knew that someone greater than myself was working inside of me and helping me. I learned having a relationship with God is all about partnership. I do what I can do and the Lord will do what I cant. Just know that God is waiting to help you and you dont have to do this alone.